Do Not Let The Things That Have Hurt You Turn You Into A Person You Are Not
Stay Soft
Growing up I fed myself this belief I created that every failure, every mistake, and every major setback I was going to use to channel my inner tiger and let nothing get to me. Back then I didn’t use social media and I didn’t care what people thought of me so where that belief came from doesn’t matter. What matters is that If you ever felt this way, you are not alone and we don’t have to let the hard things, the difficult people, the life challenges, are own failures and mistakes make us people who are hard hearted.
This is not to say that it necessarily made me hard hearted but I definitely wasn’t as soft as I could have been because I thought I had to be super strong and handle things on my own because I’ve always have had to handle things for myself. I thought it was because I was soft that I got taken advantage if. I wasn’t raised in the perfect household as many of us aren’t so I learned to cope as I raised my self through life and learned to ride the wave that would eventually lead me to other experiences that shaped that belief system that I have now. A student to life is what I am as I continue learning but somethings such as principles, values and morals are my foundation on which I stand.
It’s never been hard for me to go with the flow. Things are not always as serious as they seem to be in the grand scheme of life. I may look focused and serious but I am more light-hearted and playful and that’s also taken shape in my life.
Riding The Wave
Living in the mountains is definitely a beautiful place to be at and I am so grateful to be here surrounded with the mountains and wild life in this moment of my life. However, my heart belongs where the sand meets the sea. My home has now become divided into different places but in my mind, I’m always riding the wave.
If you ever gone kite surfing you’ll know that as you catch the wind in with the kite you have to use your body on the surfboard to direct where you’re going. In this moment it’s about control. If you choose to lay back the wind will take you away and you’ll have to start all over in the spot that you left off which could be somewhere away from shore.
If you’ve ever gone surfing it’s such an amazing experience to feel the peace the ocean can give as you’re in the middle of the water and the sky. As you take it all in… the softness of the water, the salty water in your hair, the unknown creatures of the world beneath you… then you feel the waves approaching you get ready to ride the wave. You don’t have control over the depth or the size, you came here to ride whatever wave came to you. You came here to ride it all the way through only to get back out there and do it again.
As the wave approaches you assume position and you control the direction in how you’re going to ride the wave. If you loose control the wave will over take you and tumble you. Will you just stay there? That’s not likely, you’re not waiting for the sharks to get you. So you get back on the board and you do it again. This takes practice, strength and courage.
Life is like a wave. It brings on challenges not to mention the challenges we face within ourselves. Many feel that life should always be a high but life is a series ups and downs. We have to learn to cope, have self- control, discipline, to ride the wave.
Being Soft & Setting Boundaries
What does riding the wave have to do with being soft?
When we are done riding the wave you realize in a sense that you’ve gone with the flow. You didn’t allow these things to tumble you, to make you hard, angry, resentful, uncaring, unloving, avoiding, running away, cut communication, or give up. You stood back up and tried again. You can stand back up, take ownership, take control and flow…
This brings us to a state of softness. Accepting things as they are and not taking it personally. Objectively and not subjective. It doesn’t mean the tiger within us no longer exists but rather she is tamed and therefore approachable and able to receive whatever comes her way with peace. This take courage, self-control, disciple, adjusting, becoming adaptable to change and embracing the moment at hand.
This brings us to a state of softness. It doesn’t mean the tiger within us no longer exists but rather she is tamed and therefore approachable and able to receive whatever comes her way with peace. This takes courage, self-control, disciple, adjusting, becoming adaptable to change, and embracing the moment at hand.
A surfer doesn’t fight the powerful ocean wave; he moves with the wave riding its natural tide.
Fighting emotions such as sadness,guilt, anger, pain delays the acceptance of these emotions. Riding the wave is about allowing your emotions to be with you without acting ineffectively. Like a tidal wave coming and going, you will get back to a place of calm rather than emotional turmoil. Feel your emotions, let them pass with those whom you have to forgive, with those who have wronged you, with those you have to face…
You may be flooded and inundated with feelings and harmful urges. There may be a feeling of hopelessness as the emotions are too overwhelming to deal with. This is when riding the wave comes in handy too. Surfing or riding the wave involves observing and coping with the experience without trying to change it. The more frequent tendency is to escape and/or attempt to fix an uncomfortable state of being, so riding the wave, sitting with the discomfort may seem unnatural. A surfer goes with the flow and rides a wave to its natural conclusion.
Often, intense feelings and urges seem like they will never end, leading us to amplify the experience and act on impulse. But, we want to ride the urges until they ebb and wash out
Loving Deeply Despite The Hardships is Valuable
It’s hard to remain soft in these moments. Society has also made softness seem like if you are too soft you will get taken advantage of but lovingly deeply in the face of hardships can be a valuable characteristic. You can set boundaries to not be taken advantage of and still be soft. Those who react angrily that they no longer have access to taking advantage of you will soon fall away to their default and their tribe.
Riding the wave allows one to sit with his or her discomfort, sorrow, and pain, instead of fighting the feeling by acting impulsively and engaging in harmful and self destructive behavior. Although it can seem counterintuitive, accepting painful emotions allows for freedom from suffering. When a person learns to acknowledge pain rather than escape it, they can be in a mindset to see clearly and reach out and get help.
Soft Heart
To keep our hearts from becoming hard, we must avoid negative traits such as pride, the practice of sin, and a lack of faith. If we are not careful, these could cause us to become disobedient and rebellious. If we do not avoid pride, we can start thinking that we are better than others and may begin to reject counsel that can make us better. You can convince yourself that you are so right that you caress yourself to follow a path that can lead you into danger. You can hide a double life which will only lead to accepting that as the norm and creating excuses to continue.
If we want to remain soft we must remain like the soft clay.
Another great reflection is that of pottery. I love pottery it’s another fun hobby that requires your focus.Clay requires your constant attention to what you are doing. It is incredibly fragile at some points in the process and a single casual action can end in shattered lumps of dirt on the floor. On the other hand, it can also be incredibly durable and last for thousands of years. So, it’s worth taking the care and making an effort because the results will be around for the rest of your life and beyond.
Imagine: When you’re about to start a project the clay in your hand has to be soft for you to mold it into something beautiful. If at first you don’t succeed you try again but only if you continue to keep the clay soft.
Sometimes it’s frustrating because it feels like you can’t get it right but when you get the hang of it you can create something unique, no comparison.
We are like that clay. We have to remain soft to continue to evolve, become well formed. Let’s say that you put clay on the table and you start spinning without the control of your hands to mold the soft clay it will go all over the place and make a mess. The same is true that without self-control and us being the soft clay, we can become a mess going all over the place if we don’t have that self-control and discipline.
After you have to a peaceful state, have the hard conversation with yourself and with those you’re avoiding. You can use rejection and failure as an opportunity to serve for growth, albeit uncomfortable growth. This is why you can’t just accept yourself as you are or else how would you ever grow.
Some people may say: ‘I never fully valued the discipline I received from my parents until I had children of my own.’ As we grow older, we may come to value discipline because we see it as an expression of love. It is good to value it now.
We need not let evil harden us. It is all up to us. We can let it soften us, if we want to. Who knows how many other youths disagree and have arguments with their fathers without murdering them? Another great aid to having evil soften instead of harden us is humility. Humility makes us soft, pliant, yielding, able to bend. Evil makes the proud hard. Cultivating the fine qualities of patience, endurance and long-suffering will also help us to keep soft in spite of evils. But, above all, love is needed if we would have evil soften instead of harden us.
As you ride the many waves that we encounter in this life my wish is that you remain soft like clay setting boundaries that will give you the discipline you need to keep getting back up and getting better. Ever thriving
Remain soft in hard situations
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